In March 1958, the capital was cold in spring. One day in the first half of this month, I was ordered to gather at the Qianmen Railway Station and take a bus to the Great Northern Wilderness on the northeastern border. When I got to the front door, I saw that there was a long queue on the sidewalk near the city wall. Most of them were wrapped in sturdy winter clothes. Many of them wore bulky cotton-padded shoes. The kind of old sheepskin coat that was used; very few people in the line laughed, most of them looked serious and their eyes were sad. I figured out that this might be the waiting line of the "rightists" of the central ministries and commissions. Near the end of the line, I found our newspaper (Note: "Guangming Daily") fellow inmate Qian Tonggang and others, and they also entered the line.

While waiting for the bus, I looked around and found that none of this group of travelers had relatives or friends to see them off, only the personnel sent by each unit to count the number of people and supervise the people who got on the bus. The newspaper sent a man and a woman -- Guo and Zhou. For some reason, I suddenly remembered a paragraph in "Water Margin" where Lin Chong's crime happened with Cangzhou: Lin Chong was released from the cell, "the neighbors and Lin Chong's husband Zhang Jiao met in front of the (Kaifeng) mansion", and went to the "under the bridge hotel" together. Lin Chong sent off.

Judging from the description in the book, the "neighbors" and Lin Chong's husband, "Teacher Zhang", did not seem to feel any tangible or intangible pressure from the tyrannical and violent "Taiwei Gao". Today, the relatives and friends of the "Rightist" who "offended" were all frightened, and no one dared to come and see them off. Does this mean the progress of the times? I can't help but feel the slightest chill in my heart.

When I got on the train, I realized that this train was a special train for the liberation of more than a thousand "rightists", and the destination was Mishan Station in eastern Heilongjiang Province.​​

In the carriage, there are "rightists" everywhere, and there are "bulls and ghosts" everywhere. There is no question of who is isolating who, and people seem to have regained their senses at once, returning to the mental state they were in before the anti-rightist movement. The mutual greetings from the same unit and the mutual acquaintance of different units are noisy and lively for a while. After chatting, I learned that there are talents from various fields of the Ministry of Culture on this special train, such as film actors Zhang Ying, Guo Yongtai, Li Jingbo, cartoonist Ding Cong, calligrapher Huang Miaozi, "Ta Kung Pao" reporters Gao Fen, Xiao Li, Northeast Lu Xun Yang Jiao, Dean of the Academy of Fine Arts, etc. "The same people are fallen from the end of the world. Why do you know each other when you meet?"

At that time, people generally underestimated the weight of the "rightist" hat and the serious consequences it could bring to themselves and their relatives. Although everyone has personally experienced the so-called "yang conspiracy" that goes back on his word, he said to Mao Zedong, "Now we don't treat them like landlords and counter-revolutionaries." to the ranks of the people." Still convinced. The topic that people are more concerned about is: How long may the reconstruction period be in the Great Northern Wilderness? How long will it take to take off this "rightist" hat?​​

When it comes to the time limit for reformation, there is always a clear statement for criminal offenders, fixed-term or life imprisonment. Only for the "rightists", the reformation period is not announced, but the length of the reformation is determined by it, which makes you unpredictable.

Chinese intellectuals are kind, even naive. Even if they are treated irrationally and unfairly, they still use rational thinking to understand and interpret the Party's reform policy. Some people say that there are only 5 million intellectuals in our country. As part of such a scarce resource, how could the Party, whose mission is to build a democratic, prosperous and strong new China, abandon us? Others say that as long as we seriously transform our worldview, we will naturally return to the ranks of the people.

——By the way, after liberation, after successive political movements and ideological indoctrination, the intellectuals felt ashamed in front of the masses of workers and peasants, and the "original guilt" that must be reborn and reborn, leading to self-learning leaders and even ignorant people. Students exist to varying degrees. Many inmates feel aggrieved about being labeled as a "rightist", but they think it is right to change their worldview.

Many people estimate that the period of reform through labor can be as little as one year or as long as three years, and then they can return to the capital and show their skills in their respective professional positions. At that time, no one expected that the iron hat of "rightists" or "rightists who took off their hats" would accompany them for most of their lives. What's even more tragic is that among the people who are optimistic and willing to change their worldview, some people have gone and never returned, and finally buried their bones at the foot of Wanda Mountain.

Another reason for optimism is that, before leaving Beijing, they listened to a humanistic mobilization report by Qian Junrui, acting minister of the Ministry of Culture. At the mobilization meeting, Qian pointed out the way after criticizing the crimes of the "rightists": "If you have been reformed in the future, you will still be the precious wealth of the party and the country, and you can still return to your respective professional positions." "Go to work, don't I have lost my major. Some professional books should be taken with me to study." "I have already said hello to the Central Orchestra, allowing instrumental music practitioners ('rightists') to bring their instruments to the Great Northern Wilderness." Qian's speech said Everyone was enthusiastic, and felt that despite the grievances in front of them, the future was still bright, and it would not be long before they could ride their bicycles to get off work on the streets of Beijing again.

Qian Junrui is a party scholar. I believe he will not deliberately fabricate a set of lies to deceive everyone. He may have explained the reform policy according to his own understanding. Later practice proved that his understanding was completely wrong.

At that time, everyone listened to Qian's speech, including myself, and carried a lot of books in addition to the luggage. These books later became a burden to people in the Great Northern Wilderness. During the constant marching on foot, they were overwhelmed and discarded one after another.

This train is a special train in addition to the normal operation map. Sometimes it does not stop for several stops, sometimes it stops for a long time; it took three days and three nights to travel from Beijing to the terminal in Mishan. There was enough time to chat in the car, and the topic of "renovation deadline" was put down after a while, because it was an illusory unknown after all. For most people, what they can't get rid of right now is the sorrow of parting relatives, the guilt of condescending, and the misfortunes in life caused by this political disaster.

Our reporter Xu Zimei, who graduated from the Department of Journalism of Fudan University, went to the Liberated Areas full of revolutionary enthusiasm. Before the anti-rightist movement, someone in the editorial department suggested that Chairman Mao be asked to write a masthead for this newspaper (the original masthead was written by Mr. Shen Junru), and he casually said, "Old Shen's writing is very good, why do you need to 'Mao Ji'? 'What?" was reported as "disrespectful" to the leader, and was classified as a "rightist" in the movement. Feudal society "disrespectful" to the emperor is to beheaded, and now he is only classified as "rightist", which is obviously much more lenient. He and his wife, Gao Ruilan, have two daughters and a son. Usually due to the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the relationship between husband and wife is discordant. Now he has become a "rightist", and his wife has justified her request for divorce. What troubles him is, where will the old mother and young sister who depend on him live after the divorce? What about life? He talked to me about these heart-wrenching things, and after a wry smile, his eyes were red.

Female reporter Xu Ying, who was pregnant at the time of the broadcast, went to Renmin University with a big belly for an interview. As a rule of thumb, reporters should reflect on the issues that people discuss at the symposium. In the symposium she attended, a professor said that "Renmin University is a big hive of dogmatism", which she wrote truthfully in her manuscript. Her boss put this "aphorism" on the title, and when the anti-rightist draft was considered the most vicious attack on the new type of university founded by the party, she was inexplicably classified as a "rightist". Soon after she gave birth, she was sent to the Great Northern Wilderness for reconstruction.

In the atmosphere of irrational class struggle, "humanity" and "humanity", which are the basic attributes of human beings, disappeared, and no one dared to ask for immunity for the exile of innocent babies for their mothers. To make matters worse, her husband, who works for Xinhua, was also classified as a "rightist" and was exiled one after another, leaving the newborn baby to be raised by an elderly mother. As a young mother, she was leaning against the car window at this time, staring blankly at the fields speeding backwards outside the window, with tears clearly in her eyes.

Reporter Qian Tonggang has yet to get married in his 30th year. He was ordered to collect and write some broadcast reports, and then he was ordered to collect and write some reports against the rightists. The "merit" did not equal the "crime" and was classified as a "rightist" (the specific crime was "sympathizing with and supporting the rightists to attack the Party"). . He was alone and seemed unconcerned, but when he put on this hat, he was in fact deprived of his right to courtship, and his inner distress was self-evident.

The car passed through Shanhaiguan and gradually drove into the Kanto Plain. The scenery outside the window was completely different from that in the customs: the winter snow still covered the wilderness, a silver-white world. He said sadly to me that he once recited an ancient poem about going out of customs when he was a child, in which there are two lines: "After the horse, the peach blossoms and the snow before the horse, how can I teach people not to turn back?" He said that he really realized this poem now. The desolation and sadness of poetry.

Only Xiao Fan, who graduated from the journalism department of Fudan University and was classified as a "rightist" shortly after being assigned to the newspaper, suffered the disaster without realizing the seriousness of the disaster. He seems to regard "organizational handling" as being reprimanded by the teacher for being naughty at school, thinking that as long as he works hard to correct himself, he can be a good student again. Out of such a naive and naive mentality, he said to me solemnly: "Lao Yin, you are a party member, and I am a member of the league. When you arrive in the Great Northern Wilderness, I suggest that you form a study group with the members of the party and league to study Marxism-Leninism together."

I had to warn him seriously: "First of all, we must clarify our current identity, we are 'rightists' rather than members of the party league. It should be understood that the most taboo illegal small organizations above. Once found, you can't explain it clearly, and it's not clear. If you can't eat, just walk around." After listening to my advice, he suddenly realized something.

It is hard to understand why such a pure and lovely young man like Xiao Fan is labeled a "rightist". Chu Anping has lectured in the journalism department of Fudan University in the past, and he has a teacher-student friendship with him. After Chu became the editor-in-chief of this newspaper, Fan inevitably had a lot of contact with teachers, and he also submitted a proposal to Chu to improve the work of the newspaper. Just because Chu later became a "big rightist", he found this proposal when he searched Chu's office. Regardless of the content of the proposal, it affected the innocent him. Of course, he and Chu "crossed over time", so he was accused of "same spirit".

People often look ahead when they are proud, and look back when they are disappointed. At this time, I was falling into the reflection and contemplation of my short life: if there was no revolution led by the Communist Party, I, a poor student, would not have the opportunity to play light and heat in the professional position I love; The beloved party, she pushed me into the abyss without question. This is really: "The flowers will not bloom until the spring breeze, and the flowers will be blown off by the wind."

How will I view and interpret what is happening in front of me? With my shallow knowledge and limited experience, I can't solve this inscrutable mystery, only a kind of inescapable worry and sorrow are biting my soul.

As the train goes north and farther from home, I miss my wife and young children more and more deeply. It is hard for me to imagine how my wife will live with her two young children alone. In what year and month can I fulfill my responsibilities as a husband and a father? Thinking about it, I fell asleep in the monotonous rumbling sound of the wheels.

The train pulled out of Shenyang Station, the night was dark, and it roared towards the boundless darkness...